• xiarad

Who's In Your Corner?

Evaluating your support system and the need for you to support others.

Can you name at least 5 people who have your back or best interest at heart? Are they giving you genuine support? What about considering your needs before theirs? But most importantly, what are you doing to support those around you? This is a moment to check yourself.

What a week...

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to attend a women empowering event hosted by Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts. She is an enlightening minister who originated Woman Evolve, a ministry that focuses on incubating every woman to her fullness. In her most recent tour entitled Refuse to Lose, the goal was to inspire women to step back into the ring and fight through the personal, emotional, and spiritual obstacles holding them back from evolving to their highest potential.

There are soooo many messages that I can pull from this event but one of the things that stuck with me the most was the act of women supporting each other. There were numerous times where we had to hold hands with one another or speak encouraging words to each other, and I smiled the entire time. The energy was beautiful. The love in the room was so genuine. Women were pouring into each other and establishing the idea of girl you are not alone, I got you. How powerful. There was even a moment where we meditated with each other to seek our truth with the help of Dr. Anita Phillips, another powerful woman of God and licensed therapist. Our support for one another throughout the evening caused me to wonder about my support system and the need for me to support others, especially my fellow sisters.

I left the event feeling full; full of wisdom, power, inspiration, etc. The magnitude of my emotions were so high that I could not wait to tell someone all about it. On the way home, I called Michael and expressed my deepest excitement. I was so excited that I began to stumble over my words and occasionally lose my train of thought. I could not hold it in. But there is one instance that I vividly remember saying and wished that I had taken back. I said, "I'd rather be around Godly women than ratchet women any day!" To some, this may seem innocent. But in my opinion, it was very ill-mannered of me. I immediately regretted my statement and I even tried to clean it up afterwards by stating, "Oh, there's nothing wrong with ratchet women though. I like to be ratchet sometimes too. I enjoy being.... Oh boy." When I arrived home, I pondered over my words again. Here is my problem with my statement: Why did I say that I would rather be around a certain group of women than another group of women? What is even meant as the term "ratchet"? Did I mean un-Godly women? Who am I to judge or give a description about other women? In a sense, I was tearing down that group of women. I could have simply just left it at, "I enjoy being surrounded by Godly women." There was no need for me to compare the two groups or women in general, at all. I left an empowering event where I examined a room full of women supporting each other, yet in the following moments I participated in the slander of women. I had to check myself and reevaluate why it is important that I support others while not diminishing them as well.

I got your back, girl.

It is important that we watch what we say sometimes. It is even more significant that we check ourselves when we say or do things that are not pleasing. Now more than ever is the time for us to unite and support each other. There is no need to tear down someone for the benefit of yourself. As most of our grandmothers would say, "God don't like ugly." Not only does God not like ugly; God doesn't bless ugly either. Spewing hate and bad intentions towards your fellow sister does nothing to water your seeds into fruition. Hate deteriorates growth. But when women come together, magical things can begin to grow.

Here is an example of how earlier this week Black Women blocked the hate and uplifted our sister, Beatrice Dixon, the founder of They Honey Pot, a plant-based feminine care product company. A recent Target commercial showcased Dixon and her feminine care products where Dixon stated, "The reason why it’s so important for Honey Pot to do well is so the next Black girl that comes up with a great idea, she can have a better opportunity.” Unfortunately (but not surprisingly) a number of white women were upset about Dixon's statement and responded by unleashing negative comments about her and her company. Again, God don't like ugly! So Black Women retaliated by supporting the HP brand with positive reviews and purchasing large orders of the HP products. According to Dixon, her sales increased by 50% since the hateful reviews. In reference to my unnecessary comment about ratchet women, the white women whom responded to the commercial could have easily not said anything at all and minded their business. Although this was not a clear indication of women supporting women in general due to another group of women hating on a female black-owned business; this can certainly serve as an example of Black Women supporting each other which is something that the world needs now more than ever.

Thank you.

All of this week's past events have definitely caused me to evaluate my support system and my way of supporting others. I have learned that I should not belittle other groups of women to express my interests. It is okay to have preferences but be careful about how it comes across. Ever since I can remember, my support system has been A1. From my family, to my close friends, and significant other, they have always had my back and supported me no matter what route or decision I may take. I used to often say that if you don't support me then I'm not supporting you. Although I slightly still agree with that statement, I have learned that I should not live through that petty mindset. Even if you don't support me, I can support you from a distance if I choose to do so.

I will say that since the birth of Xi's Essentials, the support has been impeccable. For over a year I battled with the idea of starting a blog. I was too afraid and anxious about how people would respond and if they would relate or not to my content. But the response has been amazing thus far and I am so excited to see where this venture will take me. In fact, earlier this week Xi's Essentials celebrated our one month anniversary! I absolutely cannot wait to see where we are a year from now and I pray that I will still have your unimaginable support. Thank you for being in my corner.

Don't forget that March is International Women's Month and Sunday, March 8th is International Women's Day!

XO, Xiara.

"When God touches the heart of a woman, he touches all that is connected." -SJR

Xi's Takeaway Essentials:

  • Tearing down the next woman does nothing to build you up

  • Support your fellow sister

  • "Thank" those whom are in your corner

  • Check out Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts Woman Evolve podcast for more women-inspiring content